It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
