btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
