Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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