never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
