And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
