I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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