Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
