i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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