i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
