i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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