Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
