I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
