I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
