Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
