Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
