I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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