i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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