Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
