I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
