Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
