Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
