Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
