I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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