margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
