my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
