It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
