Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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