Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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