Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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