I intend to get homeless drunk
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
