Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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