I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
