I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
