Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
