she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
