so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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