I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
