I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
