The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
