Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
