What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
