Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
