you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
