You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
