Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
