We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
