Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
