i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
