After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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