Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
