Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
