I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
