I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
