my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
