So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
