i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
